Looking under the Rocks to Find a part of Myself…..

Why is it so easy to see the beauty in everyone else, but about impossible to see the beauty in yourself? This thought has been an ongoing thought since my recent return to Alaska. For the first time perhaps ever, I have been spending a lot of time with other females - As I am usually tagging along with the man in my life or it just seems its the guys who are in need of a partner. So, I feel pretty lucky to have broken out of my usual patterns and have found this new energy and inspiration with doing things with strong, confident and beautiful women.

I am sure everyone reading this will agree there are truly differences between female and male partners...partners being the other person you are climbing, running, lifting, cycling, etc. with. Topics of conversation vary, confidence levels fluctuate, and communication tends to be there….or not. Granted, different people bring out different things....but there really are some huge differences. The thing that has surprised me the most is this lack of self confidence or lack of perfection that seems to go on inside of the female mind. We constantly make comments about our tummy rolls, our double chins, flapping arms and our bone "size". We complain about how white we are, how our hair isn't straight enough or having hair in the all the wrong places. We feel we are not smart enough, motivated enough or are constantly making mistakes. I constantly wonder is this what is really going on in my friends brain, as all I see is this super hot, intelligent, motivated women in front of me…… And if they think they are fat, then I must be a whale and if they think they are not motivated, then I must be a slug, and so on and so on. I don't know if we tend to feed off one another or if this is truly how we feel inside? It seems we are never exactly what it is we want to be or happy with what we got.

So, as I was standing in line for a swim lane in a two piece bathing suit, swim cap on my head feeling completely self conscious about the way I looked, surrounded by 1,000's of VERY fit looking women and questioning why the hell I was here in the first place...my friend Kyla turned to me, looked me in the eyes and said, "You are so beautiful......" And I am sure I fumbled with my words and didn't even come close to saying the "right" thing as the comment took me by surprise. It was a surprise, because I was thinking the same thing about her and about all the amazing women that surrounded me. I then questioned where does that inner non-confident voice that is constantly putting me down come from? And why is it so difficult to be positive about what is we got, cause I am telling you, we all got a lot - Especially if you run with the crowd I run with!!

Yes, I am sure I will still complain about my weight, how I'm a junk show and how unfit I am....but it sure was nice in that one moment in to time to just embrace my own inner beauty and feel content with who I am!